Lynn Manwar

Lynn’s Comments: During this journey of recovery from a cancer diagnosis, I have been the recipient of random acts of kindness and it’s been totally amazing to say the least!   I had decided from the day 1 to share my news through Facebook status updates, videos and photos.  I have had friends and Facebook friends, visit and bring food, and other treats to my home.  I’ve received care packages from Facebook friends I’ve never met, tea in the mail and gifts of tea in my seat while at the Oprah Life Class on April 16th, 2012.  I’ve been taken out and treated to lunch on several occasions.  Friends, have brought over both lunch and dinner for myself and the entire family.

Lynn’s Comments: Being at home on medical leave from work due to cancer treatment has certainly been quite the experience.   I have been mainly been spending my time at home either reading, watching television (which is a habit I never had before), surfing on the internet and roaming on social media networks.   I was rather delighted when I received a message and invitation from Ashima Suri of Building Bridges Association of Canada to speak at their Networking Event for Women with Disabilities on May 2nd, 2012.  The day that I was invited to speak by Ashima, was also the day I also received my 5th Chemo treatment at Princess Margaret Hospital on April 20th, 2012.   I had a bit of Chemo brain that day, but I did commit to speak for the event!

I felt rather fine for a few days after my 5th Chemo treatment, however, about 6 days later, I started to get a dry cough from April 26th onwards.  The cough continued throughout the weekend and the following week as well.  I was a little concerned as the week progressed, wondering, if I would be able to still speak at the event?  I made sure that I rested and upon arrival to the venue on the day of the event, Silvi, a facebook friend gave me some ginger candies and I had some tea.   I settled in to the Speaker’s Table and met the other guest speakers.   There was positive energy all around.

Luckily, my cough went away and I was able to speak after lunch to the attendees and other guests.  I was able to share my personal experience of challenges and temporary times of disability with the audience and the knowledge I learned along the way in my journey.   I felt very fortunate to have had the opportunity to speak that day as my experience will enable others to build bridges in their lives!

For more information about Building Bridges Association of Canada go to:  http://www.buildingbridgescanada.com/

Lynn’s Comments: Since getting diagnosed with breast cancer about 4 months ago, I have been extremely resistant to joining any breast cancer support group.  I recently started attending an art therapy class in downtown Toronto and the same organization, called to inform me that there was a Breast Cancer Support Group starting.  So, I reluctantly decided to add my name the list and received calls in the past few weeks, reminding me when the actual group was starting.

I got to the group and there were ladies of various ages.  In a way it was relaxing to be in a room full of women who could understand exactly what I was feeling—the good, bad and ugly.  I shared my experiences and learned a few things as well.  I spoke about my fertility preservation experience in January 2012 of this year and the outcomes of it all.  What I realized that these were women who have overcome the challenge of breast cancer, were now part of my extended community.   I prefer not to use the word “survivor”, but enjoy the term “Cancer Graduate” as Lisa Ray has coined.   The journey of cancer is definitely an educational one in life lessons.

I have gotten tremendous support from the community at large, friends and family, but now the support was coming from women whose lives mirrored my own.   In many ways, I see these women as Angels with wings. The subway shut down right after my support group session ended, so I had to roam the streets of Toronto before finally getting on a streetcar to head home.

One lady then struck up a conversation with me and ask me if I was feeling okay.  She could see the mask on my face and the fact that I had no hair.  She said, “you know, I’ve been there too”.  You see, she also was a women who had overcome breast cancer and for her it’s been 10 years.  Two young girls heard us talking and the one girl, got up and offered me her seat.  I so badly needed a seat at the time, as my legs were aching.  I was very grateful. There are thoughtful and kind people in this city, that I know.

Lynn’s Comments: I first heard that Oprah was coming to Toronto in March 2012 when a family friend came over to visit at our home.  I was so excited when I heard the news that I then decided to post on my Facebook status, “Universe I am manifesting Oprah tickets, thank you, thank you, thank you!”.  Within 8 minutes of updating my status on Facebook, a lovely women named Arpana responded and said she had a ticket for me!  I was so excited and delighted to say the least.  I have been watching the Oprah show since 1988 and always wanted to see her show live as an audience member.

After learning that I had a ticket to the Oprah Life Class Tour in Toronto for the following month, I did a happy dance around my house and savored the great feelings associated with my happiness!  Being on medical leave and in treatment for cancer, this gift of a ticket really uplifted my mood and is the best gift ever!  Just imagine wanting something for 24 years and it finally happening—it’s such an amazing feeling!

I committed to go to the Oprah Life Class even though I was still in Chemotherapy treatment.  I knew it was an opportunity of a lifetime to attend the show and I certainly wasn’t going to let cancer or any type of cancer treatment stop me from attending.  The big day arrived on April 16th, 2012 and I took the subway downtown to the Metro Convention Centre.  I brought a salad and two boiled eggs to ensure I had food for that afternoon and energy to keep me going.  I went to the front entrance of the Metro Convention Centre and realized that I had to enter the event from another entrance.  I got a call from Priya who was already lined up with Reshma, and I asked if I had enough time to get some more food, and she said yes.  I then decided to purchase a veggie hotdog and fries, to ensure I had enough meals for the day and began my walk over to the long line to join the ladies and my soul sisters for the day!

My last Chemo treatment was on March 30th, 2012 and this big day for the Oprah Life Class was 2 weeks later.  I walked over to the long line and found both Reshma and Priya around 12:30pm that day.   Miraculously, I wore comfy shoes and managed to stay standing for 3. 5 hours until we were admitted to the Metro Convention Centre and lined up inside.  Much later on, just before we were admitted to the show, I had chosen to sit down on the ground for awhile, and I had a good rest while I watched Priya make a sign for the show.  We were admitted into the Hall for the show and walked diligently to find seats for all of us.  Luckily we found seats in the centre aisle and we were situated in a good spot.

As I sat in the audience, I thought about how grateful I was to be there.  For me, the Oprah Life Class was definitely a dream come true! and part of my bucket list of one activity that I was able to check off on my list!  It was very fitting that the theme of the Life Class was about Forgiveness and just what I needed to hear during my time of healing from a cancer diagnosis.  God does give us exactly what we need, that I know!

Lynn’s Comments: It was 2 weeks ago on Sunday, February 19th, 2012 that I received a few compliments from a man.  He called me both pretty and my photo beautiful.   On the same day, I was actually supposed to go on a date for dinner, but my date didn’t follow up and I was somewhat relieved. My relief came from having to not go through the process of putting on a wig for a date for the first time.

Earlier that week on Monday, February 13th, 2012, I decided to get my hair shaved off with the help of the neighbour.  Luckily I had friends over who brought Chinese food for dinner, their bouncing new baby boy and graciously agreed to videotape my experience.  It was so nice to have support on that monumental day.  I had been teary eyed on the weekend, as I noticed clumps of hair falling out.  I love my hair so much and it was tough to part with it.

My hair loss was caused by the start of Chemotherapy treatment a few weeks prior.  Five days before Christmas on December 20th, 2011, I was told I had a lump in my right breast and was booked for a meeting with the surgeon on December 23rd, 2012.  Meeting the surgeon and finding out my options was one of the most difficult meetings of my life.  I left that meeting, went to Gilda’s Club, received a Christmas gift and had brunch.  I then went to St. Michael’s Cathedral, lay before the aisle and cried my eyes out.   It took me almost 2 months before I had a crying moment again,  and so on Saturday, February 18th, 2012, I lay in my bed and cried about the loss of my hair and the change of my image.

I do feel God was watching over me on Sunday, February 19th, 2012, because even though my date didn’t happen, I received unexpected compliments from a man I hardly knew.  I wasn’t feeling so pretty that day, but when he called me “pretty” and my photo “beautiful”, his words not only touched my heart, but my soul.  I do believe it was God’s way of  saying Lynn, “you’ll be okay” and to get me to stop crying over my temporary situation. What I really needed that day was a “compliment”, not a “date”.  I do feel so ever grateful to have received those words of affirmation.  There’s a book I read several years ago called “The Five Love Languages“ by Gary Chapman and the first love language is listed as “Words of Affirmation”. I highly recommend you read the book on how to express heartfelt commitment to your mate— it will transform the way you look at relationships. Watch this introduction from Gary Chapman:

I am not sure how my dating life will progress in the next few months, but I do feel confident to go on dates and continue to put myself out there.  After all, in about 3 months, my hair will start to grow back.  I will have May and June 2012 to go on many dates.  I do have surgery booked in the early summer and radiation treatment.  As of September 2012, all these treatments will be behind me.  Hopefully, I will meet a man who will know and recognize that we are essentially spiritual beings in a physical body, and that what I have to go through the next few months, is all but a temporary process. I will start visualizing a new man enjoying time with me in my new pad in Etobicoke and having romantic walks by the waterfront. I can see it and feel it!! Ah, it’s so great to experience the future now in my mind

Many people get scared by the word “cancer”, but all it is, is a great opportunity for spiritual growth.  I’ve learned that when you fear cancer, it controls you, but when you embrace it, it sets you FREE!  I am FREE as a bird, loving my life, and the people in it!  I have much time left on this planet and look forward to sharing my Joy of Life with you all!  I am smiling now and hope you are too ;-D

Lynn’s Comments: It was on Saturday, February 4th, 2012, that I took my temperature at night just as I was about to go to sleep and noticed that it was 38.  I was informed by my doctors that once the temperature is above of 37, I should go straight to the emergency at the hospital.  I packed a small bag with slippers, toothbrush and some snacks.   I drove with my mother to the emergency hospital and she dropped me off.  I was seen by a nurse, emergency doctor and then left in an emergency hospital bed.  The next morning I was admitted to the hospital and moved to a room in the Short Term Stay area of the hospital.  My family came to visit me, along with my friend Senthil.  I then messaged my friend and asked him to post on facebook that I was in the hospital and welcomed visitors.  The next day was my birthday and I had tickets to see the Marilyn Dennis show with my family.  I asked me friend to cancel my reservation for the show and my takeout order for food for my birthday meal.  I then messaged a few friends and asked if they could bring my birthday meal to the hospital, and Sudarshan responded.

I started to cry on Feb 5th as I went to sleep, realizing that I’d be spending my birthday in the hospital.  The next day, I started to get texts and phone calls for my birthday.  Around 2:30pm on my birthday, I got a surprise visit from a friend and she brought me flowers and chocolate.  Then a couple hours later, more friends arrived with a Dora balloon, teddy bear and cake with chocolate covered strawberries.  It certainly made my day.  My mom, had come earlier in the day and my aunt, arrived that evening with my cousin.  I even had a facebook friend call me and pray with me, which was extremely special.   I had a humbling and blessed day for my birthday.

Lynn’s Comments: My father has always been part of my life since I was a baby.  The only twist of my family life is that I was the child of my father from his affair, so he never told his wife about me.  He has kept me a secret all these years.    In the entire time of growing up, my father has never allowed me to call his house or have his telephone number. I did challenge it at times, but then got busy with my own life and let it be.  The last time I saw him was in 2007 as he had a few strokes and could no longer drive.  It was in 2008, that I met with a private detective to see if I could get help to locate my father.  The private detective just suggested that I let it go and leave it as is, as it would be costly and would take tons of time.  I understood his points and let it go for the time being.

In Summer 2008, I did connect with one of my father’s relatives and found them on Facebook.  We became Facebook friends and I took some time before I revealed myself.  The following year in February 2009 we met in person at Fairview Mall in Toronto.  He asked if I met the family, if I would reveal who I am.  I started bawling my eyes out in his cafe in the mall.  Being a secret all these years, has not been particularly easy.  I then composed myself and we caught up to know one another.  It was such a blessing to meet at least one member of my father’s family.

A few months later in May 2009 on Victoria Day weekend, I got a hold of a cousin’s telephone number and called him at home and introduced myself.  I asked my cousin for help to connect me with my father.  He did not take it well, asked me to go away and threatened to hang up on me.  To say I was hurt, is an understatement.  It truly broke my heart and I had to take several months to recover.

Since I had no connection to my father, and missed him so much, I decided on one rainy day in October 2009, to go to St. James Cemetery in downtown Toronto.  Just two week earlier, I had researched where the family gravestone plot would be, based on the knowledge I had of my grandparents.  I showed up that rainy day, brought some white flowers and walked around and around crying until I found the family gravestone.  In total, in took me about an hour, but when I found it, I felt I had come home.  I was no longer alone and had a remote connection to my family.  For the following 2 years, I would periodically go to St. James Cemetery and visit.  It would make me feel better when I missed my father and any connection to my father’s family.

Two years later in October 2011, I had a meeting booked with a real estate agent who had invited me to this office.  As soon as I walked into the office, his whole demeanour and way of being reminded me of my father.About five days later, I gave him a call as I got inspired to ask if we could use previous addresses to locate a current address.  At the same time, I wrote the architectural firm, my father co-founded, and let them know I would like to connect with him.  That night, I met with friends for dinner at a Morrocan restaurant and told them I needed help locating my father.

Miraculously, the next day, I received both the house and cell phone number for my father from an employee at his former company.  I simultaneously asked the real estate agent, if he could help me execute a meeting with my father.   I so strongly felt he was the right one to go with me, even though I meet him only 6 days earlier. And 2 days later, I received the full address of my father’s residence.  When I finally decided it was time, I received all the information.  I was happy and excited at the same time!   A dream come true.

At the end of November 2011, the real estate agent made a call to my father’s residence and requested a meeting for us.  The wife declined, as she mentioned, my father had signs of dementia.   The real estate agent called to tell me the news that our meeting pursuit, was unsuccessful.  My heart sank, as my dream of seeing my father one last time, was crushed.   Luckily, the real estate agent was creative in his thinking, and suggested we just show up in Newmarket with a cake or pie and be really friendly.

It was December 11th, 2011 that the big day arrived and the trip to Newmarket to attempt to see my father one last time was planned.  I met the real estate agent at Yorkdale Mall and with an apple pie in hand, we jumped into his car and off we went.  My heart pounding and nervous like crazy we approached the town house complex where my father lived with his wife.  We rang the doorbell and there was his wife.  The real estate agent introduced himself and chatted away with my father’s wife.  He also thanked her for  the kindness when he called a few weeks earlier to arrange a meeting.  She felt quite comfortable and invited us in.  At the same time, she called my father over and he walked towards us.  He looked great, well dressed as usual and he greeted us.

The real estate agent and I walked to their living room area, and I sat down in one of the couches.  I sat beside my father and just soaked him in, as I knew this would most likely be the last time I would get to see him before he passes on.  Even though he had a bit of dementia, he started to tell stories and sounded like his normal self.  I was in my glory sitting in the home of my father and his wife.  The real estate agent kept his wife engaged in conversation and they both had IPADs in common, so his wife pulled out her IPAD and showed us family photos.  I got to see my half sister and her kids.  It was so heartwarming.  I never did tell the wife, who I was, while I was there.  After all, why upset an 82 year old woman and turn her world upside down while she was the caretaker of my father— it didn’t make sense and I think my father would have wanted it that way as well.

Before we left my father’s home, we took photos and captured the last memories.  We hugged them both and left.   My mission was accomplished.  I saw my father one last time.  It took me 4. 5 years and a few years of crying by myself to get there.  It was so worth it.  I finished my duty as a daughter with the complicated family dynamic that I was born into.

Lynn’s Comments: What is Love?  Is it a kiss, a feeling, a hug, and a warm embrace?  Is it kind word, act, deed or sharing your meal?  Love can be anything you desire it to be…how big or how small?  Share love in the world in your own little way.  Do something nice for someone you know or even a stranger.  When you give love out,  it comes back at you- you will feel it and it’s absolutely amazing!

Check out The Love Movie by my friend Danish Ahmed:

Lynn’s Comments: I left India on September 4th, 2011 and arrived back to Canada on September 5th, 2011.  It was a brand new time in my life for me.  I have never felt so renewed, fresh, hopeful and happy.  My psoriasis on my skin began to heal up and I haven’t seen beautiful arms in many years.  I had a new sense of self confidence and less than 1 week later, I got to show off my arms wearing a strapless dress at ReelWorld Indie Film Lounge Cocktail Party at Empire Lounge during the Toronto International Film Festival 2011.

I had also decided upon returning back home, it would be time for me to start dating again.  Now, that I was feeling good, I declared I am ready! And lined up a date for myself that weekend.

People often question, why I am single, what’s wrong with you?  You go out so much and meet so many people.  To me, it’s all about timing and I have worked on my inner self to prepare myself to receive that “Great Love” coming my way.  Being in love is such madness and I can’t wait to have that experience again!

Lynn’s Comments: I have lived in the Danforth area otherwise known as Greek Town in Toronto, Ontario, Canada since 1975 and moved away two times for 1 year and for 4 years.  I have always enjoyed attending the Taste of the Danforth.  This year I went to the food festival with the Toronto Wine and Social Meetup group organized by Julian.  I met new people and enjoyed trying free hummous, greek pasteries, and fresh lemonade.  It is a big celebration with music, food, drink,  performance and people coming together.  I ran into a couple of friends and even a cousin of mine.  By far, the Taste of the Danforth is one of my favourite festivals of the city.  I look forward to next year and encourage you to check out the restaurant gems located on the Danforth in Greek Town.

Lynn with Cousin Donna